Based on the research…

Feeling anxious or nervous in some social situations is normal - think of when you’ve had to give a presentation in school or at work, or went on a first date with someone. However, if you experience significant anxiety and fear during everyday activities, you may be living with social phobia, also referred to as social anxiety.

According to the Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA), social anxiety disorder impacts 15 million, or 7.1%, of the U.S. population and has shown to begin as early as 13 years old; however, people often don’t seek help until ten or more years after they begin experiencing social anxiety. With that in mind, it’s important to remember that while anxiety can feel isolating and hopeless to overcome, you are not alone and you can overcome it! But first, we have to know what social anxiety really is and better understand it.

Common signs of social anxiety

Intense fear or anxiety during social situations

As mentioned earlier, this is not the occasional nervousness before a presentation or a first date - this is a significant level of fear and anxiety that feels overwhelming and impacts your daily life. It can lead to spacing out or dissociating in social situations, having difficulty enjoying yourself while you’re out and about, and may include complete avoidance of social interactions altogether.

worry about embarrassing or humiliating yourself

The root fear of social anxiety is being perceived negatively, which we’ll get into in the next one, but worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself is a piece of this. You may play out scenarios in your head to try to figure out who you ‘need to be’ to be accepted by those around you so you don’t feel rejected or embarrassed by being different or having a different opinion. This tendency can result in what I reference as ‘shapeshifting’ in social dynamics - altering how you present yourself to be perceived positively and to be accepted, even if it means abandoning your actual opinions, beliefs, and personality to do so.

fear of situations in which you may be judged negatively

Similar to the previous note, people with social anxiety fear situations in which there’s a possibility of being perceived or judged negatively. Common examples I hear include not wanting to try new things in front of other people out of fear of being bad at it, not participating in a conversation you don’t understand because you don’t want others to know, and even pretending to agree with the majority to avoid the feared negative consequences.

avoidance of activities or people out of fear of embarrassment

Combining the previous points, social anxiety when causing high levels of distress can result in complete avoidance of activities, groups, or people out of fear. This can include outings that might have activities or open the door for conversations you’re fearful of, like going to the park with friends out of fear of being asked to play a game you’re not good at or avoiding places where there might be large groups or the expectation of mingling with people you don’t know.

expecting the worst possible outcome of a negative social interaction

As with most types of anxiety, social anxiety tends to include the expectation of worst possible outcomes. Your mind will play through a hundred scenarios that may or may not happen, and build up the fear of the situation. What does this do? It makes you less likely to participate because the scarier something is, the less likely we are to approach it, right?

what should I do if I suspect I have social anxiety?

If you suspect you have social anxiety, reach out to a mental health professional. They can help you better understand the underlying cause or fear the anxiety is running on, allowing you to process it and work through it in a safe and encouraging space. I’ll also add reminding yourself that just because you have anxiety, it doesn’t mean you are your thoughts - you are not your anxiety, you are not your emotions, and you are not what the fear tells you you are.

You’re a human being deserving of emotional freedom and a life of joy!

Conclusion

Social anxiety can be a real pain in the ass, especially when it comes in full-force. It brings on fear, worry, and a variety of thoughts and hypothetical scenarios that support the narrative it’s telling you, which, spoiler alert: anxiety is not rooted in reality!

With that said, while these are common signs that you may be living with social anxiety, this is not an exhaustive list. If you suspect you or someone you love may be living with social anxiety and are wanting help, contact a mental health professional.

As always, I’d like to be clear that this blog post is intended for educational purposes only, and is not intended to replace professional counseling or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional.

You are also welcome to contact me if you live in Virginia to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward!

~ Catherine