5 Things You’re Doing That Are Making Your Anxiety Worse
Living with anxiety is hard enough as it is - the constant worrying, fear of rejection, and the mental and emotional tension that comes with worrying something will go wrong - but did you know the methods you’re using to try to ease your anxiety may actually be making it worse? Here are 5 things you’re doing that are making your anxiety worse:
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Avoiding Your Triggers
Our brains are inherently analytical and focus on patterns, including our own! With that said, the same way you may avoid a dangerous animal or an uncomfortable situation, we tend to avoid things that trigger us - it’s only natural, right? However, our brains are also very creative and will draw from past experiences to determine how to respond to the situation in front of you. This means, when it comes to discomfort, we’ll avoid situations or people that make us uncomfortable. But, avoidance caters to the fear, allowing our minds to continue building a narrative that supports the avoidance, thus making you more fearful of the situation at hand. It also keeps you from experiencing anything different (“I’m afraid of being rejected, so I’ll stay quiet, but this also keeps me from making friends”).
*it’s important to note that when it comes to trauma and avoidance, avoidance is sometimes the best method to ensure safety, mental health, and overall well-being.
Seeking External Reassurance
I’m not saying external reassurance is a bad thing - it does feel comforting when someone you love and care about provides reassurance! However, it can become problematic if we become dependent on others for reassurance. This is because it can decrease your level of self-trust and increases your ‘tolerance’ for external reassurance - basically, the comfort from reassurance is temporary, resulting in needing more and more over time, which is exacerbated by the decreasing self-trust or belief that you can reassure yourself. Ideally, reassurance is obtained both from yourself and others.
Distracting Yourself 24/7
Distraction is similar to avoidance, but may not be as obvious. Sometimes, we don’t have the bandwidth to process something in the moment, so we’ll distract ourselves. In this case, it’s not inherently a poor choice. It does become problematic when we’re chronically distracting ourselves - partially because distraction is similar to avoidance, but also because with distraction and avoidance comes suppression of your emotions. What you’re avoiding is the emotional discomfort, which tells your body and mind that these emotions are something to be afraid of and avoided at all costs, resulting in your body becoming the human version of a volcano or the Coke bottle we used to put Mentos into - the emotions will build up and eventually come exploding out, usually in an unhelpful or inconvenient way.
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Focusing On Stopping Your Thoughts
You can’t control your automatic thoughts, bottom line. We can control how we respond to them, but we can’t control or stop our automatic or intrusive thoughts, and anxious thoughts can frequently fall into that category. So if we’re focused on trying to stop thinking certain things, you’re actually doing yourself a disservice in two ways:
Like I said previously, avoidance tells our mind and body that what we’re avoiding is something to be feared, thus increasing the fear or anxiety around it, and
Our brains don’t process negatives very well, and I’m not talking about negative thoughts. We all have what I reference as the ‘red button complex’ - when someone tells you not to do something, a part of us automatically wants to, leaving our minds fixated on the very thing we’re not supposed to do. So you telling yourself not to think something tends to make you think about it more!
I understand some thoughts can be distressing; however, just because you have the thought, it doesn’t mean it’s true. You can choose how you respond to the thoughts and learn how to regulate your emotions in times of distress.
Using Substances
I realize that various substances can come with this “I can take on the world!” feeling, which can be very appealing to those of us that experience emotional, mental, and/or physical discomfort on a daily basis (i.e. anxiety). But, again, utilizing substances to numb or avoid these emotions, can lead to an overall increase in anxiety because you temporarily ‘forget’ how the anxiety feels, making it feel more intense when the substance wears off, and for some, resulting in becoming dependent or addicted to the substance(s).
Conclusion
It’s understandable to feel drawn to these behaviors when you’re living with anxiety - it’s very human to want to push the discomfort and worry away. But, it’s important to consider what it’s actually doing and the underlying message or lesson it’s telling your brain. In my work with clients, while the healing journey is uncomfortable, they’ve found success in gradually facing their fears and building a more compassionate and understanding relationship with themselves and their emotions - all of which, you can do too!
You are also welcome to contact me to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
~ Catherine
As always, I’d like to be clear that this blog post is intended for educational purposes only, and is not intended to replace professional counseling or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional to be evaluated.
