Breaking Free: Rebuilding Your Life After A Toxic Relationship
Breaking free from the clutches of a toxic relationship can feel like emerging from a dark tunnel into the light, but there can be a lot of potholes and speed bumps. The scars left behind may be deep, but the journey towards rebuilding your life after such an experience is transformative, empowering, and freeing. In this blog, we’ll explore the essential steps to help you regain your strength, heal from the past, and create a brighter future for yourself!
Photo by Aditya Saxena on Unsplash
Recognize the toxicity
The first step towards reclaiming your life is acknowledging the toxicity of the relationship. Reflect on the patterns of manipulation, control, and emotional abuse that existed. Some examples may be constant criticism, lack of empathy, constant drama and conflict, persistent negativity and pessimism, jealousy leading to controlling behaviors, lack of boundaries, the silent treatment/isolation, and an inability to take responsibility.
With the recognition of the toxicity, and I’m sure you’ve already heard it from the people around you but I’m going to say it anyway, it’s important to understand that you deserve better and that you have the power to break free from the cycle!
Healing Emotional Wounds
Healing from a toxic relationship requires addressing the emotional wounds inflicted upon you, which can bring up a great deal of vulnerability, anxiety, and pain. However, seeking therapy to process the pain, trauma, and negative emotions can provide valuable insights, teach you coping mechanisms, and support as you navigate through your healing journey. No two experiences are the same, and with that, no two healing journeys will be the same either.
Common components of healing from emotional wounds can include:
accepting and validating your emotions
allowing yourself time to grieve
practicing self-care
forgiving yourself (and others, if applicable)
self-reflection
embracing positive affirmations and gratitude
seeking personal and/or professional support
Rebuilding Self-Esteem
Accepting & Validating Your Emotions
Recognize that your emotional wounds are valid and deserving of attention. Give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions without judgment or guilt - the impacts of the relationship are real and it’s natural for you to experience the emotional, and even physical, repercussions - anxiety, flashbacks, difficulty trusting others, feeling vulnerable or isolated, etc.
Emotional wounds also often stem from loss, betrayal, or trauma. Take the time to grieve and mourn the pain you've experienced, the relationship you hoped you’d have, and who you thought your partner was. Allow yourself to express your emotions and let go of any pent-up feelings. Grief can show up in a variety of ways, so it may feel like you’re all over the place - sadness, anger, resentment, anxiety, questioning yourself, etc. But, while your emotions are all valid, they are not inherently factual, especially when shame, guilt, and anxiety are involved after a toxic relationship.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness does not mean condoning the actions that caused your emotional wounds. It involves releasing resentment and choosing to let go of the negative energy that the wound holds. Forgiving yourself, or others involved, can be a powerful step towards healing. Now, forgiveness of others is entirely up to you and your personal experience, but forgiving yourself is necessary for helping you move forward with your life. Shame, guilt, and criticism keep you rooted in the wounds themselves, which hinders your ability to emotionally leave the relationship, even if you’re physically distanced from it.
Embracing Positive Affirmations & Gratitude
Cultivate a positive mindset by practicing daily affirmations and expressing gratitude for the things that bring you joy. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help shift your perspective and promote emotional healing. I realize this is easier said than done, especially in the early stages of healing. For some, positivity can feel like it’s miles away and I totally get it. So, this can also mean practicing non-judgment - acknowledge the reality and approach yourself with neutrality as a stepping stone. Even if you don’t feel like sunshine and rainbows (I think it’s fair to assume that you don’t if you’re reading this), it’s a fact that you did not deserve what happened to you. Practice reciting statements like this to yourself - the more you hear it, the more it will sink into your subconscious mind and you’ll begin to believe it!
Setting Boundaries
Setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is essential to protect yourself from future toxic relationships and maintaining the disconnection from your previous relationship. Learn to recognize red flags and trust your intuition - if your body feels uncomfortable, things don’t add up, or you feel nervous or anxious with this person, listen to those signs from your body. Communicate your boundaries clearly and firmly, and be prepared to walk away from any relationship that disrespects or violates them. Doing this will naturally deter people who are looking to take advantage or disregard your boundaries.
Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
One of the most crucial aspects of recovering from a toxic relationship is surrounding yourself with a supportive network. Seek out friends, family, or support groups who can provide encouragement, understanding, and validation. Sharing your experiences and emotions with individuals who uplift and believe in you will help you regain trust in healthy relationships. This can also include professional support to help you dig deeper into yourself and heal deep-rooted emotional wounds. Having a safe space to express yourself freely to someone or people who listen without judgement can help you gain clarity and perspective.
Embracing Self-Care
Prioritizing self-care as you rebuild your life will help you build yourself up and feel safer in your own mind and body. Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul - practice mindfulness, exercise regularly, indulge in hobbies, and pamper yourself. Taking care of yourself will not only help in the healing process and remind you of your own worth and the importance of your well-being, but prioritizing self-care also helps build resilience and fosters emotional healing!
Rediscovering Yourself
Toxic relationships often chip away at our self-esteem, leaving us feeling unworthy, powerless, and can even leave us feeling unsure of who we are anymore. Make a conscious effort to rebuild your self-esteem by practicing self-love and self-compassion. Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with affirmations that remind you of your worth and strengths - practicing non-judgment and identifying “what is” can be a helpful stepping stone!
Reclaiming your life involves rediscovering your passions and dreams. Take the time to explore new interests, set goals, and focus on personal growth. Reconnect with activities and aspirations that bring you genuine joy and nourish your soul. When I speak to clients about this process, we describe it as ‘dating yourself’ - ask yourself the questions you’d want to ask a potential partner: your values, beliefs systems, passions, goals (short- and long-term). Literally get to know yourself again as if you’re a complete stranger! Take yourself on dates, have movie nights, read your favorite books or chip away at your To Be Read list, play games, whatever makes you feel good and build your sense of personal identity.
Conclusion
Healing from a toxic relationship comes with a variety of emotional challenges - just like your body takes time to heal from illness or an injury, your mind and body need time and care to heal from emotional wounds too. Each journey comes with individual challenges and approaches, making it a process that is specific to you and your experience.
Remember, healing emotional wounds is a personal journey, and it takes time and patience. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you navigate through the healing process, and trust that with time and effort, you can find healing, growth, and resilience.
You are also welcome to contact me if you’d like support you as you journey forward.
~ Catherine
