Eating Disorder Holiday Survival Guide
The holidays can be overwhelming - stress, family gatherings, cold weather, and it’s dark by 5 o’clock! For those living with an eating disorder, the holidays come with another major point of stress: food. The holidays, no matter what you celebrate, tend to be food and family-centric, which can bring on a great deal of anxiety and stress for people with body image challenges and/or an eating disorder. Here you’ll find a holiday survival guide to help you or someone you love get through the holidays!
If the holidays are difficult for you, you’re not alone! When you’re living with an eating disorder or body image challenges, the abundance of food, family gatherings, and overall attention the holidays can bring can elicit a variety of emotions that make it difficult to really enjoy the holiday season. This is totally normal and honestly, it’s something I’ve learned to expect hearing from my clients this time of year. I’m often asked “how do I get through this as unscathed as possible?” - this is the question I’ve set out to answer!
It’s important to keep in mind that while these tips can be helpful, it’s normal to experience anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and all the other uncomfortable emotions. So if you find yourself feeling them, it’s okay!
Tips for Surviving the Holidays
Plan ahead & set boundaries
Okay, I realize how simplistic this sounds, but hear me out! Generally speaking, you know who is going to be around for the holidays and, in some cases, you have minimal control over that. But, you do have control over what you are willing to tolerate from the people around you. Your individual boundaries are exactly that - your individualized boundaries - however, there are several common ones I’ve discussed with clients.
You may have a particular family member in mind when going through these, or it may be your entire family unit - either way, some of these boundary ideas may be applicable to you:
Comments on your body, overall appearance, and/or food choices
Unwanted physical contact
Discussing weight, even if not directed at you
Placing judgement on different foods, body sizes/shapes, etc.
You may have others in mind, so keep those in the forefront as well. While you can’t control what other people say and do, you can communicate how they make you feel. If you know these are topics that tend to come up and there’s a family member you trust, it can be helpful to communicate these concerns ahead of time to have an additional buffer present. For example, this person could shift the conversation elsewhere, shut it down, or shift their attention to you to provide a distraction.
For many, the hardest part about boundaries is the enforcement (honestly, same!). I hear you, it sucks enforcing boundaries, especially during the holidays, but the enforcement of boundaries is how you show up for yourself. You can do this subtly by attempting to deviate the conversation to other things or remove yourself, or, if you prefer to be more direct, you can call it out and remind the person/people present of your boundaries. I do always suggest being respectful while communicating your feelings and boundaries, even though I realize it can be difficult at times.
Remind yourself of your ‘why’ for recovery
Not everyone understands the harmful impacts of eating disorders or the comments they make, even if intended to be taken positively. This can make it especially difficult when you’re going to be around people you haven’t seen in a while. They may say things or bring attention to your appearance without understanding or acknowledging the impact it has on you, and regardless of what you decide to do about your relationship with this person/these people, it’s important to remember why you’re on the path to recovery.
For some, it’s freedom from the eating disorder, acceptance and love for the self, and wanting to be able to live life without the criticisms and rules around food, your weight, and your body. It could be something totally different for you, or a mixture of several, but every person in the recovery process has a ‘why’.
When things get difficult, be it emotionally or interpersonally, keep your why in mind. Repeat it to yourself. Practice your grounding techniques and helpful coping strategies. The time and feelings will pass, and your physical and mental health are what matters most.
Photo by Cristofer Maximilian on Unsplash
Notice negative self-talk & Practice Compassion
Most people who are living with an eating disorder, or any mental health challenge for that matter, probably experience critical self-talk, perfectionistic thoughts, and a negative self-perception. It’s natural for these thoughts to come up, especially when faced with a stressful environment - family holidays, included.
When it comes to eating disorders, this can show up in the form of restricting or binging behaviors, following food rules or rituals, focusing on your appearance, comparing yourself to those around you, or internalizing diet culture beliefs. No matter where you are in the recovery process, these thoughts may come up and can be overwhelming, especially if you’re not prepared for them. We’ve already addressed the importance of planning ahead and keeping in mind the attitudes and tendencies of those you’ll be around for the holidays. This way, you can mentally and emotionally equip your ‘armor’, as my clients like to call it.
Just because you have your armor equipped, doesn’t mean there aren’t ‘sore spots’, which are your specific triggers. When triggered, your emotional mind will try to take over and if it does, you may notice an increase in negative self-talk and associated emotions. If this happens, it’s okay; however, it’s important to acknowledge it and practice helpful coping strategies.
But Catherine, I don’t know what those could be… I gotcha covered! Typically, I work with clients to explore individualized strategies that incorporate their unique hobbies, personality traits, and mental health experience; however, there are some go-to’s you may find helpful:
Fidget rings - these are my favorite fidget option because they’re discreet and easily accessible!
5-4-3-2-1 exercise (identify 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you feel, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste, if applicable)
Muscle relaxation - sitting in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, grab the edges of the seat and squeeze as tight as you can for a couple seconds, then gradually release the tension
My overall favorite strategy when sitting with negative self-talk is to imagine you’re talking to a child - would you say these things to a child? Probably not! That inner voice often stems from your inner child, so you’re basically criticizing your inner child, too. To learn more about this concept, read my article in Brainz Magazine.
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Avoid drugs & Alcohol
Okay, I hear you - for a lot of people, the holidays naturally come with the consumption of alcohol because they’re meant to be a celebration! However, drugs and alcohol, while they can feel like a way to ‘let loose’ and ‘get out of your head’, they can also increase the impact of your critical thoughts and emotions. Your inhibitions are lowered when under the influence of a substance, which can lead to a heightened experience of emotions. Think of individuals who experience an increase in anger, sadness, euphoria, etc. - their emotions are experienced more intensely than usual because the substance interrupts their brain’s chemistry while under the influence.
Neurology aside, the use of substances to cope with uncomfortable emotions is putting a band-aid on a broken arm - it may feel better in the moment, but long-term it’s not going to help you. If think you may have a problem with drugs or alcohol, I encourage you to reach out for professional help and added support for your individual experience.
plan an exit strategy
This may sound extreme, but sometimes it’s necessary. This could be due to family dynamics, social battery, or simply self-care and wanting time to recharge on your own or with others you care about. Whatever your reasoning is, it’s okay to decide on a specific time or cue for you to make your exit from the gathering.
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash
Conclusion
The holiday season, while depicted as being full of joy, love, and good food, can also be stressful and overwhelming, especially for those who are living with an eating disorder. It’s important to keep in mind your individual mental health and recovery journey as you approach the holidays, including practicing helpful coping skills and communicating your needs and boundaries.
As always, I’d like to be clear that this blog post is intended for educational purposes only, and is not intended to replace professional counseling or clinical advice. If you’re in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional.
You are also welcome to contact me if you live in Virginia to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward!
~ Catherine
